This past week, I was turned down for a promotion that I have attempted to get for a couple of years now. I would love to tell you that this did not upset me. It did. I was confident. I wanted it. I even said that in my interview. To be perfectly honest, it sucked! It sucked because there was a smaller pool of people competing for the positions. It sucked because many other people thought that I was going to get one of the positions. And it sucked because the people who were offered the positions have been in my department for a much shorter time, than I have.
Now, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed. There are politics, and decisions being made that I am not meant to understand. I don’t think that I want to. I was more than disappointed but this time, I chose to let it go. I have been outwardly upset about these things in the past. It did not do me any good. I have attempted to get feedback from supervisors in the past. That ended up being even more upsetting. So this time, I picked myself up, I put on my big girl pants and I let it go (Sing it Elsa!)
I reminded myself that I genuinely do like my job. Being a Social Worker is not always easy, but I love my job. I reminded myself that I have plenty of work to do, and it is not slowing down any time soon. So there is always job security in that. I reminded myself that I am grateful to have a job. Nothing has changed, I am no worse off that I was to start with.
The thing that was most difficult was that I have been feeling a little of an itch for some time. I have been thinking about what other options are out there for me. Is there more that I can do for myself to feel fulfilled? Is there more that I can give the world? Maybe that is a normal feeling that “normal” people feel at a certain point in their lives? Is this what a mid-life crisis is? GOOD GRAVY!!! There are just too many questions.
In the last year, I have watched a couple dear friends make some choices to follow their passion and create new careers for themselves. I find their decisions and their journeys courageous and incredible. And I must say that I am a little jealous. I think that it is amazing when someone finds what they love to do in life and then to see them take it to the next level. I wish them great success in fulfillment in their endeavors.
But what about me?
I can honestly tell you that I have no idea what else I would do in my life. I have been looking at the things that I like to. Are any of those things that I could make a living doing? I would love to be a writer. The dream of being the next Stephenie Meyer would be amazing! Is that likely? No, probably not. Would I love to write the great American novel? No, but a best-selling YA series would be cool. But the truth is, I have not been writing. I have been thinking of writing but not doing it. I mean, let’s face it, I can’t even write this blog on a weekly basis. Sorry about that, by the way. And then I risk the criticism of rejection and hearing that I am not a good writer. I would be happy to be the next great blogger. (Jenny Lawson, tell me your secrets.) Oh wait! I can’t get to writing on a consistent basis. We covered that, huh?
So here I am, re-evaluating things. What else is out there? I guess I get to figure that out what I could do, what I love to do and what I am good at. The epiphany that I have had, is that IT IS OKAY! And the joy of this is playing, and trying things. Sure there may be rejection along the way. But how do you learn if you don’t fail sometimes. Maybe the new me is right around the corner. Maybe I will find a new thing that will bring me great joy. Maybe I will make tons of money, or maybe I will be the same old me with a new-found outlook on life. I can’t answer any of these questions just yet.
So my promotion disappointment still stings. But now I am looking at a slightly different route than I was a week ago. We will see where that takes me.
It is all about perspective and attitude, folks! Wish me luck!