A little over a week ago, Ed and I got into a fight. Not the worst one ever, but a decent fight. Like most couples, this will happen from time to time. And we work through it fine. Most of our fights are recurring, and they usually revolve around me feeling like he doesn’t give me enough compliments, or we aren’t connecting enough. And to be honest, there is usually some hormonal instability involved on my end.
This fight however came at a good time. Yes, I realize that this sounds crazy but it really did. The fight started innocently enough. Ed is terrible at making decisions, we go to get dinner, he gets irrationally mad at the fact that most drive thru menu boards do not show the whole menu and refuses to ask the voice through the speaker box any questions. I make some comment about this and he says something that shocked me.
Now to be fair, my husband is a good man. He is good to me, and would never intentionally hurt me in any way. But he made an observation of me that I would have never made and would never have guessed that someone would see about me. Was he right? Maybe, maybe not.
So I was hurt. Really hurt. And I had this overwhelming feeling that the people who were supposed to love me were the ones that end up hurting you the most. [This stems back to my mother but that is another story for another time. And also my mom is not hurtful intentionally either, just not the most supportive mother on the planet…] When I told Ed this, he got upset. So I told him how I have been feeling, very closed off, no connection, that sort of this. Kind of like I was nothing. And this upset him, more so than normal.
Those of you that know Ed, can agree that he is not overly social, or emotional. He doesn’t talk much, unless you get him on a Ed friendly subject. He is not easy to read at times. So seeing him like this, stopped me. There was more to the story.
After some talking, it turned out that he had been feeling many of the same things that I had been. But seeing as both of us are stubborn [him more than me] and one of use does not open up a lot [again him] neither one of use knew this.
It is hard to see someone who you love hurting and even more so to know that you were not aware of this.
It was my being hurt that led to a good talk with my husband. And a week of good talks. But I realized that maybe this fight was a needed thing. It was a time to actually sit and talk about stuff in our heads that doesn’t often get talked about. Sure, we talk every day. About the dogs or what is for dinner or that our DVR is too full. But we don’t talk about things in our heads. That both of us are in our forties and it is scary when you feel like there is more to life but not sure how to get it. Or that we all feel a little like we are nothing from time to time. And it made me remember that I love this man for so much more than he sees in himself. And he that connecting is important and that even when you are comfortable, you still have to make a little effort.
Now I am not saying that I want to fight all the time. But this was definitely a fight that had a purpose. Funny, how those things work out sometimes.