I have been feeling a little blue lately. Maybe it is a bit of depression. Maybe it is just being blah. I think that some might blame the post-holiday let down. Some might blame the winter weather. Oh wait, it was in the 70’s for most of January (ridiculous), so that can’t be it. (Plus, I love the rain!) The truth is, I think that it is pretty normal to get down from time to time. Nothing to worry about, I will be just fine.
This week, at work, there was an incident that made me feel like I was back in Jr. High. It was nothing detrimental but just one of those moments that hits you in just the right way. I was scolded by a co-worker/friend for something that was an innocent mistake. All is well, we are still friends. But that day, I felt like crap. It made me remember times back then, when you wanted to run away and hide under the covers. Like for a brief moment, it felt like you were friendless and alone. Thankfully, that moment passed this week and it passed back then too.
I can recall a couple of those moments in my adult life. Where an incident hits you in that tiny 12 year-old girl insecurity spot that we have in our soul. It makes me realize that we have come so far as grown ups but that we are all still the same person at times too. I think that in the grand scheme of life, I like that thought.
To this day, I still have issues in thinking of myself as a woman. It just sounds so old. I mean I am only 41, that does not warrant being a woman, right? RIGHT?!? Being an adult means responsibilities. A mortgage. CHECK. Bills. CHECK. A career. DOUBLE CHECK. DAMN! It is true. No wonder I am depressed.
I think that the thing I know now about those moments of insecurity, is that it is not the end of the world. It is a moment. One that the other parties involved, will probably not remember a week later, even if you still do. And it is completely okay. The moment has passed and I have lived to tell. I stake my flag in this, and I have conquered Jr. High all over again.
So I look around at my life and think that I am no longer that smart, nerdy, fat awkward girl I was back then at Nelson Avenue School. I am now that less smart (too much drinking in college… WOO HOO Chico State!!), slightly geeky, still fat (WOO HOO genetics ?), pretty cool woman. I have a mortgage, a car payment, a career, a family. I have friends that I see way less than I would like. I have 2 crazy dogs that make me crazy and happy all at once. I have nieces and nephews that make my life overwhelmingly blessed. And a husband that can solve many problems with a simple hug.
I think that the blah feeling may be lifting a bit.
I hope that your blue times are fleeting. And your blessings are counted from time to time. It is easy to forget them sometimes and get caught up in life. Just remember that you conquered Jr. High once before, you can do it again. But in a much less awkward fashion.
Sometimes I am so wise….